A Monkey in Manhattan
This ape's thinking has evolved sufficiently to know that this is all there is.
You can scroll the shelf using ← and → keys
The Anastasia Question
The Anastasia question is a concept I have been thinking about for many years.
Grand Duchess Anastasia, the youngest daughter of the last Russian Tsar, you’ll remember, was executed with her family by the Bolshevik secret police in 1918. Persistent speculation arose, after her death, as to whether she might have survived leading to several women falsely claiming to be Anastasia, of whom Anna Anderson is the best known. Conclusive proof finally confirmed that she was not Anastasia when DNA testing in 1994 on available pieces of Anderson’s tissue and hair showed no relation to the DNA of the imperial family.
This is my question, it’s my game if you like!
What is the one question or fact about yourself that would convince the most incredulous scrutineers that you are in fact who you claim to be. Now you wouldn’t believe how stringent my rules are for this profound secret. In my testing of this ‘Rosebud’ I think of myself as a secret agent being trained over many months to penetrate the network of a fiendishly suspicious and sceptical enemy. Their questioning of who I am is based on them holding every piece of detail of my life and knowing that professional fraudsters can be trained to be completely convincing replicates. This question easily transcends DNA testing. It is absolute. There was and never can be any seepage of this fact between you and the questioner. The Anastasia game of mental solitaire is actually the search for the fact, the question never gets asked! In short, it is what question is the very key to your soul?
Let me give you an example of a near miss for me, lest you think well that’s easily done – just think of something that happened in your childhood.
We have in our kitchen a ramshackle excuse for a crockery set that we everyday try to home on a three-tier small wall shelf system. The cereal bowls, dinner and side plates are all different sizes and colours. The sort of miscellaneous collection you get when you break a piece or two from a set, renew but don’t throw away the existing members. It’s difficult to place each member onto the shelves because there are certain O.C.D. rules to observe. You can’t, for instance, put a bigger plate onto a smaller one or have our favourite mugs, the thin rimmed ones, on the top shelf where you would have to momentarily exert wasteful energy and go on ‘tippy-toes’ to retrieve! Anyway, it works for us and like doing a three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle, I enjoy the swapping and repositioning of the pieces to get them so they fit. The singularly important point in this ‘invisible’ mundane action that nobody else would discern, let alone record, is that the same word always pops into my thoughts when I am in the process of doing it and that is ‘Cravat’. This is interesting solely for me in that there is only one person, (I think!) in the whole universe who would know what the significance of me saying that word in that situation and that is my brother Richard even though we have not uttered this word together for what must be nearly 50 years.
Does this qualify for an Anastasia question? Well since the advent of the internet which makes it clear to us all how individual how unique we are so not, no not necessarily. Thinking in computer-speak, the password security strength of Cravat is compromised by the assumption that nobody else remembers playing Cravat, a card game for two players in which you strive to re-position cards in an array in the minimum number of moves, to which your opponent challenges you with a cry of ‘Cravat’ if he sees a way of doing it with fewer.
– It’s good mind but nowhere near 100% impervious and spy proof.
Happy searching!!
The Anastasia Question
Two amazing must see videos
Like a Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan)
Go up and down the different channels and watch this song be mimed in an amazing range of styles.
Up and Up (Coldplay)
Unbelievablely imaginative video imagery.
May 17, 2016
February 28, 2016
Citizenfour
– “If they want to get you , they’ll get you in time..”
The astonishing aspect of Edward Snowden’s whistle-blowing is the absolute bravery and sacrifice of this young man for the common good. This is even more extraordinary if you think that he did all this despite knowing that his actions would inevitably lead him to be punished mercilessly whilst being branded a traitor. We must not allow it!
Governments, the law, the intelligence network and corporations are not serving us. All of our traditional institutional regulatory bodies are routinely bypassed and in fact complicit. Investigative journalism gives us hope and is doing what these agencies, often illegally, are failing to deliver. However, understandably and legitimately, that’s where the hack’s role has to stop and it’s now really up to all of us folks to take back control!
All wars are economic. One easy way to fight this frightening trend towards the attack on freedom and democracy is to immediately stop buying Apple phones, Exxon and Esso oil, to close your bank account with Lloyds Bank and JPMorgan Chase and don’t buy anything off Amazon, GlaxoSmithKline or that’s manufactured by General Electric. That should just about do it overnight. The second thing we could do is to vote, in numbers and intention, like we have never done before to give the clearest message ever given by an electorate. Don’t put your cross next to the blue or the red team but simply spoil your ballot paper – i.e. ‘None of the above’ – In other words, we want you to …’Think again and come back to us with a better set of ideas and values’
‘The way they control us is to frighten us all the time. They frighten you, they divide you; men and women, black and white, christian, muslim, jew. Then they demoralise you – you don’t understand and they make you cynical, everybody’s a crook.
If you want to win, you mustn’t be frightened, you mustn’t be divided, you mustn’t be demoralised and you mustn’t be cynical. And once people discover that, then it’s astonishing what can be achieved.’
Tony Benn
Citizenfour – ‘If they want to get you , they’ll get you in time..’
March 7, 2015
School Film Time
From 2008 onwards for 7 years, I had fun dabbling with film-making. This first one, set to ‘The Masterplan’ by Oasis was shot on a borrowed Sony camcorder. The lack of clarity convinced me from then on to use an HD camcorder which led to a considerably more impressive professional quality. The general idea was that I personally have one picture of myself when I was at school to try and glean what sort of oik I was at 16! So to produce a video record in a collaborative musical effort where all the year featured, no stars mind, would serve as a good memento of their school years.
This is my son Harry’s Year 11 leaving film. Apart from an experimentation with time lapse, I wanted the central theme to be that in school, like in life, you can’t do it on your own. Not without friends, parents, teachers, sports coaches, drama front and backstage staff etc. It’s basically a socialist idea. Do you remember socialism? Used to be big in the 70’s and 80’s!
I fancied doing a film where pupils became teachers and teachers became kids. One of the highlights of my career was getting the whole of Year 11, before they posed for their traditional school photograph and in front of the headteacher, to shout out in unison, “We don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control” Worth the life’s entry fee itself.
Good fun playing with green screen. Very surprised to get some decent results and realise that all you need is a big green cloth, some cheap software programme and loads of wonderful HD films that, in passing, I would like to state I do not own the rights for! The black and white cards took weeks to organise and the co-ordination of 150 pupils to work as an entity, without rehearsal, was one of the most intense 40 minutes I’ve ever spent.
With a childhood working in a theatre and loving musicals, I wanted to do something all singing and dancing! Space Walk by Lemon Jelly is such an expressive piece of music that it just lends itself to some interpretation of some sort or another.
Birds fly the coop! I feel it’s the most obvious, natural inclination to have, that to record change. As a secondary teacher (and parent) you see the most fundamental physical, social and emotional change as 11 – 16 year olds move through adolescence and then disappear at the other end of the production line!
School Film Time
August 25, 2014
Husband of the Year Award
March 29, 2014
Honorable mention goes to the United Kingdom contestant:
followed closely by… The United States of America.
The judges were particularly impressed by Poland’s entry this year –
but 3rd Place must go to… Greece:
Now it was very very close but the runner up prize was awarded to…. Serbia.
but the winner of the husband/partner of the year is – Ireland.
Ya gotta love the Irish. The Irish are true romantics. Look, he’s even
holding her hand.
Credit cards – Easy cash that’s hard to pay back.
“Slight was the thing I bought,
Small was the debt I thought,
Poor was the loan at best –
God! but the interest!”
Paul Laurence Dunbar
Slight was the thing I bought,
Small was the debt I thought,
Poor was the loan at best–
God! but the interest! <!–…–>
Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/search/debt?page=1#0Mdg8X6KgURdxsHK.99
Small was the debt I thought,
Poor was the loan at best–
God! but the interest! <!–…–>
Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/search/debt?page=1#0Mdg8X6KgURdxsHK.99
Slight was the thing I bought,
Small was the debt I thought,
Poor was the loan at best–
God! but the interest! <!–…–>
Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/search/debt?page=1#0Mdg8X6KgURdxsHK.99
Small was the debt I thought,
Poor was the loan at best–
God! but the interest! <!–…–>
Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/search/debt?page=1#0Mdg8X6KgURdxsHK.99
You might have noticed just recently how hard it is to get a phone number on big corporation’s websites like Sky or BT. They hide it very well, preferring you to fix your own problems by way of a online chat or e-mail or some other way of registering your complaint or query. Call centres are undoubtedly expensive, it means humans have to be employed and that’s an expense the shareholders could have. If you are old or uninitiated in the ways of the computer, you have become disconnected from your provider, and they seemed so nice and friendly in the advert!
Government as a rule does not interfere with business. The food industry has been poisoning us for years but regulating them would mean lower profits and where would the first cuts be – jobs of course. The betting industry is now rampant and whose interest really does that serve? I can only think the lobbyists are lining the politicians’ pockets handsomely to let these mobsters try and squeeze every hard-earned penny out of a working man’s pay packet before it even gets home. Unless there is a popular campaign that government think might attract a few votes, even the most unethical business practice continues unabated. What’s that you say Starbucks, Google et al haven’t paid anywhere near the tax they should have in this country well I think you’ll find, like Jimmy Carr, they haven’t actually done anything contrary to the letter of the law. The spirit of the law, now that’s a different thing.
We don’t have a car, motorcycle or ship-building industry in this country any more but we are damn good at financial services. Have you ever been financially serviced!? I have banked with Lloyds for over 40 years, I should change but untying yourself from all the administrative tentacles is time consuming and prevents you doing it and they know it. Do you think that loyalty is somehow repaid – No way. It’s naive to think nowadays that any customer loyalty exists at all other than the knowledge that you’re more likely to come back in the future than some other smuck. I wanted to borrow about £3000 just recently. Lloyds don’t do loans for under £1000, there’s the reason why QuickQuid, Wonga etc exist. For loans between £1000 and £4000 the APR is 20%, for loans between £5000 and £7000 it decreases to about 10% and then settles to 6.4% for £7500+. I think that’s disgusting that our banks which are supposed to serve us solely exist to encourage us to borrow more and even penalise us for settling early. So I turn to the great offers to be had from Credit card loans at the moment – 0% for 18 months. It’s a brilliant way of getting a short term loan for virtually nothing but you have to remain vigilant. Look how hard they make it to change your payment per month. Remember you only pay interest if you don’t pay a minimum amount or if circumstances dictate you go over the duration of the 0% offer.
I am trying to open an online credit card account which might help me regulate the terms of the loan.
Firstly, I have a 10 digit ID number which you can’t change.
(OK admittedly the computer can remember it by checking box)
Press continue
I have a unique image (elephant) and phrase combination (Bizarre) to choose. It will be shown on this page to indicate that I am on the genuine Online Banking site. This is set up by me along with the 3 security questions:
Where were you born?
What was the name of your first school?
What is your mother’s middle name? All three chosen from a choice of 6/7
Next I have to enter the 6th 9th and 3rd characters of my password sent in Letter 1 of the login details, That’ll be 84381329
and then…. the 4th 2nd and 5th numbers of the 5 digit security number sent in Letter 2 of the Login details. That’ll be 16354
Give up yet?
Then I’m compelled to change the supplied password and security number to one of my choice. The restrictions on what the password and security number are unusually tough.
I’m through at last. I choose Set up/amend direct debit
It seems to be easy until I learn that all amendments to my account will only be sanctioned if I relay a 3 digit number which has been sent to me by text. (the text was sent the next day without any 3 digit number included!) I comply only to find the online programme goes on to refuse many times my request to either increase my direct debit monthly amount or let me pay off the full balance. My fustration and this deliberate avoidance is not a one-off, hence this rant!
I take to ringing now. On the 28th of March, I pass through the usual several menus of the telephone call centre exchange. My first minimum payment of £6.75 went through on 25th March and I want now to increase it considerably to say £250!. In other words I want to do what they don’t want me to do and that is to firstly pay way over the minimum payment so as to definitely not incur interest on the sum I owe and furthermore make sure I give myself every chance to pay off my debt early.
I ask if I can pay off the entire balance, an option clearly given on the online account. No comes back the answer, you must contact your bank to do that.
Can I increase my payment to £250 then – Yes you can but that will only come into operation on the 25th May!! So much for instant access and being able to have instant effect on my financial affairs. Them are the rules and we know why they’re like that don’t we?
I know I must expect pain if I want to benefit from a 0% offer, but I can afford to take on the big banks and corporations in terms of money, time and technology know-how. What about those who can’t and hence will pay over the odds? The financial service brigade know what they’re doing in playing the big numbers probability game. That is to sting that inevitable proportion of clients who they know will be either too busy/confused or not as determined as I will be to keep an eye on what is happening. – Bastards!
Credit cards – Easy cash that’s hard to pay back.
March 29, 2014
Spouse Shop
February 4, 2014
Spouse Shop
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. ‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework. ‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the
sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex & have money & like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
On the 50th anniversary of the famous 12-hour session at Abbey Road which resulted in the Beatles’ iconic album Please Please Me, leading artists such as Stereophonics, Graham Coxon, Gabrielle Aplin, Joss Stone, Chris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook of Squeeze, Paul Carrack, Mick Hucknall and I Am Kloot attempt to record the same songs, in the same timescale, in the same studio.
With no rehearsal, Beverley Knight finishes the session off and does this! Must be tough for other vocalists to watch this and know that you just ain’t got it!
A Monkey in Manhattan 